Squirrely

If you are able to get my attention you only have it until another object crosses my line of vision...


I am not sure if my behavior this year has been contrary to my true nature or if I just happen to notice my erratic patterns because I live with their consequences.  It has been suggested to me by my friends and family that I try a number of different experiences in order to somehow get my act together.  I have confined my activities to those life changes that fall between $10 and $3,000.  I would pursue higher, probably loftier goals like a Masters in Creative Writing...or any writing... if there were grants available for divorcees striving to rediscover their hidden talents after years of marriage.  Who would fund such an endeavor?  And really, my fictitious philanthropist would need to offer multiple grants in order to match my changing interests.

To give you an idea how easily distracted I have become, these are a list of just a few persona's I have tried on this year:  blogger-with the exception of July kinda consistent, writer- there are 30 pages written of a compelling mystery that is currently stalled in Peoria, artist-well I painted a deck and a porch, quilter-patched some pants for the ex, world traveler-paid for a trip to the British Isles in November, home owner-or not homeowner more like renter, car owner-or not car owner more like lessor, gardener-well at least the cherry tomatoes did well, dog walker-if you consider running at break neck speed behind your charges as a 'walk', and finally house cleaner-which when paired with dog-walker finds me tossing a ball and wiping away the slobber...

Sure, I have dreams, I have desires (yeah those kind too...), I have talents that are both hidden and slowly emerging. The trick for me is tuning out the negative thoughts, throwing all caution to the wind and stepping into a new life.  I will not be defeated by the daily little setbacks but forge ahead.  So what if the $250 I earned painting my ex's deck was spent repairing my broken front tooth!  Who cares if the head shot for my social network sight was taken the day my adult acne erupted?  It doesn't matter that my cholesterol is up or that I am shrinking because I am the same weight I was in 8th grade.  I too can stand in front of my mirror, preferably after my eye drops have taken effect, and be proud that my hair is no longer falling out. My skin tone might be pale with a few sun spots but I have fewer wrinkles than those tan people.  The statement she looks good for her age rattles around in my head and I am grateful there is an age-defying face cream to help me through my weary days.

My Aunt was a kind and caring person who helped me pick out my very first interview suit.  I remember I was nervous in my teal polyester shirt and matching scarf but she told me, "Ruby, you can carry off anything if you just have a confident attitude."  And so as I explore the State of Michigan, brush off my musty interview suits, master new on-line networking technologies and renegotiate my car lease I will do so with plucky courage...and a confident attitude...maybe I should get a teal shirt...damn there is that squirrel thinking again...focus...

P.S.  SHOUT OUT to my friend in Longmont, CO...hope things are drying out...at least you made it home before the road closed behind you!!! There is no metaphor in that statement...

P.P.S.  Example of squirrel thinking:  I noticed in earlier posts I capitalized my Ex, now I just say ex, not sure if that is meaningful...never know what will happen if I post on a Friday evening...